Running blog#4 Sometime this runner is a loser....

Today's practice run is filled with numbers and monitors.
I was thinking maybe it was influenced mainly because I run with Red & Macho Man- both are good runners and they dictate the pace.
The numbers we had:
-Took 5.3K at 32 minutes
-Pace of 6:02 minutes per km
-Average speed of 9.94 Km/hr.

But what is it all about? (For some maybe losing 300 calories)
For me, it's nothing....it's just my never improving speed. This is the same performance with my previous race, my previous personal record....and what the heck! Yes I am blogging about it because I don't think I am working hard to improve my record.....Yes, today I consider myself a loser (Rant! Rant! rant! rant!....too tired to rant!).

Running today keeps my mind thinking really hard.
I guess, this is what all other runners meant when they say "Running keep me sane!"
We run silently in the GBP area- I cannot open a conversation because the wind dries my throat and I wanted to complete my 5.3K pain-free throat.

While running I know I could do more....I even tried running fast near sprint run but something is holding me back....what is it?
Oh boy! and my mind started raking every bit of aspect of my life....not just running....it's like a movie playing in the horizon........the sunset was a beautiful backdrop....hey what's going on?!?
I started questioning myself....Have I given my best? Do I have so many regrets? Have I love too much that it almost choke? Your life is like running I heard the other half of me saying...."You always witheld your emotions...." ....."You always put on a brake." And then I ask myself- what am I afraid of?

What is my fear? When I run- yah I have to admit I really run only at maybe 80% of my strength- I hang on....I do not push too hard....why? Am I afraid of injury? Do I love running too much....that I cannot pass a day without running?

This things were on my mind until I held a brake infront of the bank -where we had today's practice run started.....I felt lonely while walking back to the gym.
In my misery I decided to ride the stepper and did another 2.5K in 15 minutes.....and I feel that it's not enough and I lifted some more weights....oh....I wanted to tire myself to death....maybe tomorrow I'll be better.

On our way home I decided to tell Macho man about my feelings about my running...and he told me he notices the same thing....he was telling me that I can still get on....cruise the speed and hit more miles....but something is holding me back...He didn't ask more....I could only know the answer.

Yah right...sometime this runner is a loser.

Tomorrow is another day, let's see....I can only hope to do better on the "Happy Run" this coming sunday.

Ciao!