Post PTC

Shy away from one month, I'd be celebrating a year without Thyroid, post Thyroidectomy last year (my last entry where I shared my prayers).

What does it mean?

I am Hypothyroid for life. It is now part of my life goals to maintain a TSH level of <0.1 to ensure a euthyroid state.

Last June, I had the scariest realization. The PTC could be resistant, worse, I could be in a recurrent PTC (Papillary Thyroid Cancer) state. It stems from an ultrasound, low RIA, and high Anti-Thyroglobulin results. You have no idea of the anxiety it brought me, and I was not able to do anything because I have tons of projects to finish.

By, end of October, I pushed to go on withdrawal to increase my TSH to 30 mIU/ml and undergo a full body scan.

It was a conscious decision, but I was not prepared for what I would feel during the withdrawal process of the Levothyroxine, which is my ally in ensuring I have the hormones I need for metabolic function.

All the symptoms of Hypothyroidism that I haven't felt in the past creep in. Fatigue, mood swings, I say slight depression (since I am aware this is a possibility, I have been trying my best to push out negative thoughts and replace them with constant prayer "Jesus I Trust In YOU"). I can't even do a full rosary, which I would always do, at the point of my withdrawal, and as of this writing, I can't. I am glad I could do the Angelus. I am not pushing myself. I am asking the Lord, and Mama Mary and all the Saints to pray for me, that I may have the strength to come back to my prayer routine.

Other symptoms include dry eyes, and I noticed a change in my vision. My reflexes are still weak. My sleep is not good. My heartbeat is very irregular, and my chest feels heavy.

After 2 weeks of Levothyroxine withdrawal, my TSH shoots up to 72 mIU/ml. Overt Hypothyroidism.

The whole body scan was carried out perfectly. But I didn't know that there would be a low dose of RadioIsotopes I131 at 2-3 mci, which necessitates me to isolate (since I don't want to impact pregnant women and children). I guess the isolation adds up to anxiety. I am grateful that I can arrange a WFH (work from home) setup.

I am just glad I am back on medication. Slowly, I am trying my best to recover. The medication will take full effect after 45 days. So I am being patient with myself. I am giving myself permission to feel everything. Make an assessment, take note, and take action, such as practicing breathing exercises every hour, because the chest feels heavy. Doing simple stretches at a minimal count of 5, and so on and so forth. When I feel a sugar crash, I permit myself to eat a bit of dark chocolate to kick in sugar and boost my attention because I feel sleepy (which is perhaps because I have difficulty sleeping). I have been sleep-deprived for the last 3 weeks. If there is any consolation, the whole body scan results did not yield any scintigraphic evidence of distant functioning metastasis, or in layman's terms, a recurrence of cancer. I am beyond grateful that my prayers are heard.

Since my operation, I refuse to acknowledge that I am somehow disabled and consider that my disability is not that much. However, I now understand the weight of this disease. 

There is no turning back time; I was deceived all along. I maintained Levothyroxine at a dose of 25 mcg for more than a decade, doing what I can to prevent any mishaps like lifestyle changes that might impact my thyroid. I used to run a lot, eat only clean food, then COVID came, and I stopped my fitness routine in favor of safety. Then, I struggled to come back and take back my habit. I guess that was it when my thyroid was deteriorating. Reflecting on those moments, I asked myself, was I at fault? Did I not fight enough to save my thyroid? I succumbed to fear, anxiety, and stress since 2020, which I realized is indeed bad for the thyroid.

If I could offer advice, don't stress too much. As the Bible says, Matthew 6:34, "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."

As I write this, I am grateful to unload my thoughts, hoping and believing that God will grant me the strength to deal with the cards I have been dealt. So help me, God!

#PTC, #PapillaryThyroidCancer #Thyroid #Hypothyroidism